No more phony doctors, please.

I'm taking back the word doctor for all the real doctors in the world. When I heard Christopher Hitchens call Karl Rove, who never even graduated from college, "Dr. Rove," watch I realized something had to be done.

The is what a doctor is: a person skilled or specializing in healing arts; especially : one (as a physician, dentist, or veterinarian) who holds an advanced degree and is licensed to practice. (www.m-w.com) Admittedly, every dictionary also defines doctor as someone who holds a doctorate. But it's time for that nonsense to end. Ph.D.s, J.D.s, and Ed.D.s are whatever they are -- usually researchers, lawyers, and educators, respectively -- but they, not to mention uneducated devil-spawn like Karl Rove, are not doctors. Stop calling them that. You can call coaches "Coach" and professors "Professor" and senators "Senator," but please, don't call them "Doctor." Save that for the, ahem, doctors. If you don't, I'm going to demand you start calling me Bachelor Sibble, and my wife won't like that.

The Yankees ... (sigh)

I have to say something about this. I've long said that no one can break my heart like the Yankees. Being a Yankee fan is tough. When I go to a baseball game here in Hiroshima, I of course root for the home team. It's exciting when they win and a bummer when they lose, but no one here expects them to win every game, let alone the championship. And what I mean by "expects" here is not "predicts" or "thinks," but rather "demands." Yankee fans demand victory. There is no other way. Maybe I could enjoy this terrible season a little more if I could actually watch the games, but here in Japan, I only get highlight reels and up-to-the-minute scores. And when the news is always bad, it's not fun. The Yankees have lost four in-a-row, and are 3.5 game below .500. If you don't know what that means, just know that it doesn't cheer me up when I'm feeling homesick.

Yay! I'm not a militant.

You scored as Scientific Atheist, These guys rule. I'm not one of them myself, although I play one online. They know the rules of debate, the Laws of Thermodynamics, and can explain evolution in fifty words or less. More concerned with how things ARE than how they should be, these are the people who will bring us into the future. Scientific Atheist 75% Apathetic Atheist 67% Spiritual Atheist 50% Angry Atheist 42% Militant Atheist 33% Agnostic 17% Theist 17% What kind of atheist are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Please post your results in the comments section of this thread.

Medieval Dentist

I had visit number three of my second root canal treatment today. My dentist is hardcore, man. He does the whole procedure with no anesthetic. I know. That sounds either impossible or extremely painful, doesn't it? Well, let me assure you, it's not impossible. Also, because of this, it takes like half-a-dozen visits. He drills into the tooth until he hits the nerve (yes, this hurts a lot), then injects the tooth with some drug that's supposed to "kill" the nerve. It doesn't do a very good job, especially when it comes to drilling out the actual root canals, which is what I went through today. If you drill deep enough, eventually, you will find some living nerve. That's what happened today... on all four roots. Not a good time.

The misspelling I hate the most...

... is definitely "definately." GAH!

I can forgive most misspellings. Let's face it: English spelling is hard. Rules are hard to remember and nearly all of them have exceptions. And some exceptions themselves have exceptions: 'I' before 'E' except after 'C' except when said 'ay' as in 'neighbor' or 'weigh'... except, of course, for 'seize' and a long list of other exceptions. Not such a useful rule. Anyway, my real beef with the "definately" crowd is that most of them wouldn't misspell any of the simpler forms from which this word is derived. Look.

Einstein wasn't sure the universe is FINATE. (No.)

There's a DEFINATE smell of cheese in this room. (Looks like a bodily function.)

Yet, tack on a 'ly', the brain goes into long-words-are-too-hard-for-me mode, and suddenly DEFINATELY looks A-OK. Eww, bad pun. Sorry.

So, if you suffer from this most unforgivable of spelling errors, check out this website. If that doesn't cure you, you might consider buying one of these to serve as a reminder. (I might just get one to show off my Grammar Nazism.)

So, until next time, remember, Spell Check Saves Lives.

Scientology and an Angry British Journalist

Just in case you were thinking of giving the Church of Scientology any undue respect, watch this episode of Panorama, an affairs programme on the BBC. Did the British dude's tantrum remind anyone else of Steve Ballmer's Monkey Dance? Well... without the dancing, of course.

The devil made him do it.

A teenage father from Texas, looking for work as a preacher (Not a good start, is it?) cooked his baby in a hotel microwave. She survived. Now Mommy wants the little girl back because, in her words, "He would never do anything to hurt her." Blame the devil. Ah, Satan: the righteous' scapegoat since 30 A.D.

Now, if a holy man wants to get high on meth and have a romp in the abominable hay with a male prostitute (a la Ted Haggard), that's fine with me. I won't judge you. Sounds like a good time for all. And it helps the economy. But cooking babies. I'm afraid I'm going to have to draw the line there. There's something seriously wrong with Texan Christianity. First, George Bush, now this? Ugh.